The White Sox start a big four game series against the Twins on Thursday, and I can’t wait to sit back relax and strap it down all four nights in Minnesota. I also can’t wait to see the Sox beat the shit out of those Twins.
Now the best player on the Twins is Joe Mauer, who is widely regarded as the best catcher in baseball, but I think we all know that Anthony John Pierzynski is the king. Plus, it doesn’t help that Mauer is gay.
Like Darrin Jackson gay. One cock in his ass just is never enough. Always needs more cocks in his ass.
Now Mauer isn’t exactly out in the open with it, but thanks to a few clues I was easily able to decipher his love of the man meat. Here’s how.
- He’s a Minnesota Twin.
- He could have left Minnesota to play for a real team like the White Sox, or even the Yankees, but instead decided to sign a long ass contract to stay in Minnesota.
- He has sideburns. No straight man has sideburns.
- When he’s catching he always tries to rub his ass against the umpire’s crotch.
- Again, he’s a Minnesota Twin and he chose the Twins over Florida State which is filled with dumb whores just itching to suck a dick.
- He once saw Lisa Stone and did not get an erection.
- He’s fucking Justin Morneau.
That’s all the evidence I needed right there.
I watched the All Star Game last night at All Stars, a gentleman’s club, and lemme tell you, the game fucking sucked. It was bad enough that the shit National League won the god damn game, but the fact that Matt Thornton gave up the hit that ended up with all three of the NL’s runs, combined with PAULIE PAULIE PAULIE going 0-for-2, and having a fucking Chicago Cub — the only god damned one there — make such an important play blew.
It blew giant fucking donkey dick. The kind of dick that Darrin Jackson had to suck to get his job in the television booth with me, and then blow once more to keep working for the White Sox in the radio booth.
In other words, it blew a dick very similar to mine, only I would never let DJ suck my dick because I have a little thing I like to call self respect.
And a crippling case of herpes that I wouldn’t wish on anybody but Jay Mariotti. And he already has it.
I pissed in his water once when he wasn’t actually going into a clubhouse to interview players, but instead taking full advantage of the free buffet for the media at every game.
Oh sure, Mariotti, you fucking hate Jerry Reinsdorf but you have no problem eating his fucking food.
Anyway, the All Star Game.
Yeah it sucked.
We start a four game series against the Minnesota Twins on Thursday and we’re going to stick our dicks all the way up their ass.
Go White Sox.