Why Joe Mauer Is Gay
The White Sox start a big four game series against the Twins on Thursday, and I can’t wait to sit back relax and strap it down all four nights in Minnesota. I also can’t wait to see the Sox beat the shit out of those Twins.
Now the best player on the Twins is Joe Mauer, who is widely regarded as the best catcher in baseball, but I think we all know that Anthony John Pierzynski is the king. Plus, it doesn’t help that Mauer is gay.
Like Darrin Jackson gay. One cock in his ass just is never enough. Always needs more cocks in his ass.
Now Mauer isn’t exactly out in the open with it, but thanks to a few clues I was easily able to decipher his love of the man meat. Here’s how.
- He’s a Minnesota Twin.
- He could have left Minnesota to play for a real team like the White Sox, or even the Yankees, but instead decided to sign a long ass contract to stay in Minnesota.
- He has sideburns. No straight man has sideburns.
- When he’s catching he always tries to rub his ass against the umpire’s crotch.
- Again, he’s a Minnesota Twin and he chose the Twins over Florida State which is filled with dumb whores just itching to suck a dick.
- He once saw Lisa Stone and did not get an erection.
- He’s fucking Justin Morneau.
That’s all the evidence I needed right there.
